The Idea aka The Hook-
So a few weeks ago the husband sent me an email stating that Build-A-Bear is promoting the Star Wars/ Clone Wars with little cutesy outfits for their overpriced bears... Now, Walker and I both love Star Wars... and the idea of having a bear dressed like Darth Vader or C3P0 is about as grand as a Hershey Bar with a diamond wrapper.. WOW.. can't contain yourself excitement. I pulled up the website and did a little investigating of my own... AND there was a coupon available on redplum... Heads up my dears, if you missed it- You just witnessed a reenactment of the HOOK being set.
The Sale's Pitch aka The Line-
The husband was on the porch and I decided to share the idea of a family outing. He is normally agreeable but just in case he needed a push, I felt the need to remind him of how cute Mackenzie was the first time we took her. Allow me to share- She was about 3 and she could not understand why I handed her a "flat" bear... she kept pulling down the fluffy bears that were on display. After a few minutes of me putting the displays back in order and handing her flat bear after flat bear she chunked the bear on the floor stating loudly " THAT BEAR IS DEAD- I don't want it!".... Laughter filled the store... did I mention she was loud and adament that she DID NOT WANT THE DEAD ONE? ( once again, you just witness another reenactment of my clever sales pitch or LINE) With Walker anything could happen, and the idea of the husband missing it made me sad...It worked. Family outing anyone?
Now to prepare for such an outing I had to look the part of "Outstanding Mommy"... so I hit the closet.. I decided on unflattering khaki pants, a chambray over sized blouse and brown flip flops. My accessories were minimal.. headband in the weedeater haircut and diamond studs. I had the pearls out.. but I didn't want to over state my mommy perfection (your laughter is hurtful - by the way), so I placed them back in there velveteen pouch for another day. Yep, looked just like a mom... This was my SUPER SUIT! I was ready for Family FUN day! June Clever has nothing on me except maybe meatloaf.
Going on a bear hunt aka SINKER-
On the way, the husband asked me if I brought the coupon for Victoria's Secret's free panty offer and my response was... "OH CRAP- I forgot the bear coupon" - I hate it when I forget a coupon.. I could have cared less about the not really underwear freebie..it was the bear coupon that sent me reeling. Shame on me. Might as well throw good money out the window.. UGH! I had to refocus and let this little "hiccup" go.
As we entered the ginormous, obnoxious mall... I realized once again, my Visions of Peace on Earth were just that.. Visions. ( queue the hectic music) It was an anthill of people (not as bad as Christmas time mind you- but more than I expected) and they were all in search of the perfect crumb. I don't do well with crowds on most days.. but since I had on my big girl granny panties ( mom attire)... I forged on for the sake of the children. I looked over at the husband to draw some sort of strength from him... but he had checked out mentally, he was a goner - there was no help to be found. *** Woman with a mission-taking charge of the FUN situation*** Time to Get Er' Done!
We found the store with all of its charming appeal. We guided the kids to all of their options and let me say there are plenty of options with all kinds of price tags. Once the kids made what seemed to be life altering decisions on what to dress them in, it was time to actually BUILD-A-Bear. The worker (the great OZ) instructed them to kiss a heart and make a wish before they placed it in their bears. At this point, every mommy impulse was SCREAMING because I am sure my kid's mouths just became a petri dish full of foreign germs. My now sick kids, stuffed the stinking bears and the husband paid them next months mortgage for this proud new ownership...
Four hours later (giggle) we sat down, as a family unit for LUPPER.... missed lunch and it was close to supper time hence the necessity of the word "Lupper". During this time, I soon found out they gave us a front row seat to Jersey Shore and Snookie was the main attraction. I wish there was some exaggeration to this comment, but I promise you there is not. I could not take my eyes off of this train wreck... to prove it was so bad- I had the husband swap seats with me. I knew he had no apparent issues with trashy women, he is the one that introduced me to this reality show in the first place-so he gladly moved around for me. Win Win... He had dinner and a show... I got to keep my eyesight. You know, when her mother gets out of the penitentiary she really needs to discuss her appearance and what is appropriate on a Sunday afternoon.. Just Sayin' *** that scarred me a little bit***
So, where are the bears you ask innocently? Well, they are laying in the middle of the floor- totally ignored.. ahem- (please stop the banging in my head)
So to sum it up, lets review what we have learned today:
1. Doesn't matter if you look the part of super mommy with your Super Suit, anthills are not affected by your powers.
2 .Overpriced bears are NOT as good as Hershey bars wrapped in diamonds.
3. Coupons do not do you any good if they remain at your house.
4. Dinner with Snookie will give you reflux.
5. Visions are for the criminally insane... Yea, You got my number on this one...