Thursday, October 30, 2014

Packing Heat

A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook about how the area we live in and raise our children in is changing.  Not for the good, I might add.   People are breaking into homes,  following people in parking lots, robbing stores and criminals are being chased down by the police- forcing lockdowns on our local schools.  It is not safe- and maybe it never was - we were just living in a bubble of bliss and choosing to ignore what is in front of us.  It is a problem either way you decide to cope... I am home alone with the kids a lot.  It is making me take a good hard look at my surroundings.

That said I may need a gun.  I little pea shooter that is easy to handle.  I don't want to kill anyone but I do want to stop them if they threaten me or my family.  Let me retract that.. IF they come after my children I will not hesitate to unload the entire PEA POD into their sorry rear ends.  We clear?  Groovy.

I need to discuss this with the husband.  I am going to need the hardware and a future lesson or two  would not hurt.

  Here is how I feel like the conversation will go as I play it out in my head:

Me- I think I need to pack heat!
Husband - Oh babe, You are hot enough!
Me- Blushing...

What is really going to happen- option 1

Me- I think I need to pack heat!
Husband- NO!  You will end up being the one that gets shot.

OR Another version with him that is totally possible: option 2

Me- I think I need to pack heat!
Husband-  I think you have enough heat- you are freezing the rest of us with the air on 69 year round and opening the window when it is 30 degrees..
Me- sorry

And so - there you have it... - to pea or not to pea.. that is the question.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

My Belle

Let me lay the foundation for you:

This time last year I was starting to feel a little anxious about my daughter finishing elementary school.  Middle School is tagged with the negative- and some days- the stories you hear are TRUE.  It is a time when being "different" in any way will make you feel like it is the end of the world.  Parents becoming a necessary evil in the said child's pursuit of happiness.  Hormones start to emerge and eye rolling is a natural response to any and all questions.  It is a time when "laying on the bed" is an activity.  It is hard on a household.  However, it is also a time when doors start to open.  New opportunities arise and kids can "try" new things that interest them.  I like that.  I like the fact that the box has expanded.  
Mackenzie has dabbled in two new things: Archery and Drama.  Drama has stuck- she loves it.  This year she auditioned for the two school plays and got a part each time.  I was proud.  The schedule is tough and some days I had to question the amount of time she was spending on the play and not her school work.
After the last production of the year, she hopped in the car and announced next year the Drama Club would be doing "Beauty and The Beast".

Fast forward to last night-

I saw Mackenzie rummaging through the video drawers and asked her what she was looking for-
she said "didn't I have Beauty and The Beast when I was little"  * inner thoughts to self- your still little PRISS*  I told her "of course, she had all the princess movies".  She continued to rummage and I went about my business.  A few minutes later, I heard the Disney intro on the TV.  She found it.  She watched every single minute of it.  This has not happened since she was around five or six- so inside I was smiling.  I was a dog with a bone.  Old memories of her tromping into Target with her plastic high heels flooded me.  WOW!
After the movie went off she announced she was going to bed.  It was only around 8:00 so I read between the lines:  going to mess with her hair, going to smash in her junk journal, stand in front of her mirror admiring herself- the normal but not sleep.

Around 10:30 I went to the kitchen to (HMMM- THAT IS NOT REALLY IMPORTANT- NO NEED TO GET INTO THAT) anywho- as I was saying, I went into the kitchen and heard Belle- Live in CONCERT-  I walked towards the steps and then I heard Belle talking to..... who exactly?  Chip, Mrs. Potts.... THE BEAST?   I took the first step ( the child talks to herself like I do- Not genetic- must be environmental).. then singing again!   So I listened.  This was so much different than when she is in the shower bellowing out.  I smiled- she has talent.  She sounded beautiful.   She has a great love of the theater and I have a great love for her.  I walked away and let My Belle continue the "play" in the privacy of her little room.
 Note to self- I always KNEW she was Mackenzie Belle - it was the number TWO name on my list when I named her :)  My sweet Grandmother's name was the only one that could have and did change that.

Have a beautiful day!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


So I have not had a Paypal account in years.. and a month or so ago I was browsing the internet shops and found that an account of this type might be useful.  I love Etsy and other little personal owned boutiques.  Most are scrapbook related that I browse and some have amazing deals on designer products- 75% percent off amazing deals!  mmmhmmm you darn tootin' - hard to pass up!
So after adding to cart a few items on clearance and proceeding to go to checkout- I found my only option of payment was "PAYPAL"- well, guess I need to set one up and link it to the checking account- you know six of one/ half a dozen of the other type deal.  NO BIGGIE.... ahem

So I did.  I entered the account number and scanned in a marriage certificate to change the name on the OLD /UNUSED account that was once out there.  Changed addressed and hopped through all the hoops.

Then I went back to my "little gem of scrapbooking happiness store" and proceeded to add stuff back to cart and check out.  WOOHOO- HAPPY MAIL IS A COMMIN' SOON!  Confirmation email received- ROCK ON SCRAPBOOKING FRIENDS- ROCK ON!

Fast forward  about 4 days.  I get an email from PAYPAL- saying my account number is not valid.  HMMM- not valid you say?- trying a fast one you say?  I disagree- but I will delete and add it back.  So I did.
Wondering if it worked- I decided the only way to know for sure was to test it.. so sadly *sarcasm* I shopped some more, added to cart and clicked on Paypal.  I get another confirmed email- and then to keep an extremely long story somewhat short- 4 days later- a reject notice..


One evening around diner time I shared the experience with my NOTECHNICALPROBLEMICAN'TFIX  husband.  So he decided to tinker with the account himself... * at this point and time I would LIKE to point out he did the same exact exercise I had done previously- guess that makes me smart too*  Any who- he attached a back up plan to my account so the orders would go through IF all else failed- okay,  that was nice!

Fast Forward again- a few weeks later....

Another attempt- another failure being blamed on my bank, but never fear they dinged the back up plan. The husband decided to call them on my behalf- he had come to the conclusion that since the bank account was already attached to his Paypal account they must have a glitch in their system.  ummmmm OKAY- sounds good- call them ( inner thoughts- I feel sorry for whoever answers the phone and attempts to argue with him about a technical problem in banking no-less, that is his forte)

This is really long- so sorry-

We called- I talked to the girl and told her the husband had my permission to make whatever changes they needed to make to correct the problem because I have a little person that needed to go to bed.
They are on the phone for over an hour-   at times I hear his voice jump up in sheer desperation and I know the "agent" is not listening to what he is telling her.  She is treating him like a user error moron. (shew- poor lady, she is not too bright)... She keeps telling him they do NOT have glitches in their system.  Their system is infallible * she is going to eat those words*
So after he completed some minor trouble shooting to prove his theory and before he handed me back the phone she admitted- they do have a problem, they are NOT infallible and she would be happy to confirm the account if I could just answer a couple of questions..

It is about to get SKETCHY... I am about to prove the not so bright theory by accident!

Here are the questions she chose to ask me-
1. Dad's name inserted here- how old is he?
My response- he is dead
2. Dad's name inserted here again- how old is he?
My response- he is still dead- *crap on a cracker- what is wrong with her?*
3. Dad's name inserted here AGAIN!  how old is he? ( doorknobs have more intelligence)
My response- Do you think you continue to age when you die?  Does the record or whatever you are looking at not say "DEAD".. He is dead!
4. When was the house on blah blah blah built?
My response- I am going to say 90- I don't live there anymore but I did around 92 or so.. and it was standing when I bought it.
 * I passed this one clearly because she moved on to another one- oh goody*
5. What county is the said house located in- and she listed options-
My response- Jefferson- I passed again
6. What month was INSERT EX-HUSBANDS NAME HERE born?
My Response Unedited " you know what - that is my ex-husband! You have asked about my dead dad and ex husband in less than five minutes- This is BS (said it) - I am not transferring large amounts- you will NEVER see an amount over 100 bucks-  my transactions are and would remain around 20$ or 30 dollars.  My husband has been on the phone with you for an  hour- you know he handed me the friggin' phone- CANCEL THE ACCOUNT there is no store on earth worth this .........
I set the phone down and walked off- the husband picked it up as is she said "I am gonna go ahead and confirm this for you"....
As you know, I always like to have a lesson when life tosses me a challenge- SO-What have I learned- Nothing- I have learned NOTHING-  I smoked a bunch- but didn't learn a stinkin' thing.  On second thought... perhaps I did- PayPal- That word is an oxymoron- What A "Fine Mess"!  I wonder if she was a "little pregnant" while she was digging up "forgotten memories".  Oh I digress...

Friday, February 8, 2013

Shame Shame

I don't know if it is because I have too much time on my hands (sarcasm), since all my children want to do after school is sit on the couch and read books (a lie - wrapped in extreme sarcasm) but I have found myself doing a little research.  Got to keep using that ol' noggin before it turns to total mush.   What has peaked my curiosity, you ask?   I wanted to know who decided which words are curse words,  so I googled it.  
Here are the findings:

After picking apart Wikipedia and other forums- it is pretty obvious that NO one really knows. Educated guesses are the best I could find- and there is really no need to get into the he said she said.  We do know the oldest traces of human writings include "offensive" words- 

So after spending an excessive amount of time reading "because your mom said so"... I have made my own decision on this topic:

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"

Good Day Folks-

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Mommy Said- 2013

Last night I was reading over some old post, feeling a little emotional since Walker was turning 6.  I laughed and felt my heart tug at what was our daily lives with a 3 year old.  While some things change- others remain the same-  This is Classic Walker-  He does NOT miss a thing...

So I keep thinking back to something that happened a few weeks ago and get tickled every time.  It was a Sunday afternoon and everyone had pretty much assumed our normal, lazy positions.  Cade was snoring on the couch, Mackenzie was laying over on the loveseat messing with her IPod & apparently getting her panties out of a literal wad , I was searching my favorite blogs for coupon deals and Walker was enjoying yet another edge of your seat viewing of Spy Kids... - OR so we thought... Here is the conversation:

Walker- Kenzie
Kenz-  implementing the classic "ignore" him move... ( impressive how well she has mastered this skill)
Walker- KENZIE!  - louder- much LOUDER
Kenz- What Walker?
Walker- You gotta pee pee?
Kenz- NO Walker
Walker- You touchin your hinney
Kenz- I am not Walker
Walker-uh huh.. Mommy said if you touch your hinney, you gotta go pee pee...
Kenz-I am not touching my hinney, WALKER
Walker- I sawed you and if you pee pee in your pants you are gonna be in twouble (voice of experience talking right there... he is sharing his knowledge)
Kenz- UGHHHH.... and stomps off. (I couldn't see her face, but I would bet my bottom dollar her eyes were rolling)
Walker- Mommy she had to go pee pee...
Mommy- Thank you for handling this for me Walker

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Tortoise and The Den

Our den is eclectic...once upon a time I actually had the infamous "Dogs Playing Poker" above the mantle.   Because I could... so Why not? We house an aquarium, an air hockey table, and furniture that Cade has owned longer than he has had me.  It is a comfortable room for all of us.  We make pallets and pop popcorn for family movies on rainy weekends.  We fight out our aggression in Wii battles.  It is truly a family room. 

This past weekend, Cade was looking at the old sofa while the kids were tackling each other on top of it.  He pointed out that the leather is threadbare in spots, it has been patched more than once, and over all the entire suit is tattered.  I listened to what he had to say and then pointed to the children that were acting as if they have not had all their shots- WAS that FOAM coming out of Walker's mouth?   I told him I agree 100% but and this is a big BUT- I can not see the point in replacing it at this time.  The kids live in this room and it will drive me batty trying to keep the following from happening:
1. Shoes off of it
2. Food off of it
3. Markers off of it

I told him to just wait about "oh TEN or Fifteen years should be safe" and then we can make a day of it and  shop till we drop, finding the perfect set.  The kids will be a lot older.  Walker will be driving and Mackenzie will be gone to college. I can look forward to being engulfed by brand new leather- that is soft as butter as I hold my sweet, baby boy- Atticus (dog) and read a book.

Cade looked at me for the longest time and I could not figure out what he was thinking... a few minutes passed and then he said "You know Atticus might not be alive in 10 or so years?"  GASP-  
I had to argue this point and tell him- he would be!  

He walked into the kitchen and with his back turned to me he said " I am going to have to treat this situation like people do TURTLES-  sneak another one in here before you know what happened"...

There are NO words-

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Oh Silent Night....

Today's topic snoring-
I think we have all been exposed to someone attempting to suck the ceiling down from the support beams while in a restless slumber.  I also think it is also safe to say it is a miserable existence during the midnight hour for the "victim" of this unconscious crime.

Which brings me to my story...
Over the weekend I had prepared the "best sleeping" arrangements possible as I see it.  I washed all  of the blankets so they were all April Fresh compliments of Downey.  The room was chilled to perfection.  I grabbed my body pillow and wrapped around it.  I placed the "it will have to do" feather pillow under my head  *SEE Pillow  for further details on how my NEW PILLOW will never be anything but second rate- a special "thank you and shout out to the CRIMINAL"

The night started off grand.. silent and so cozy.   I drifted off in a peaceful slumber...

*cranks chainsaw here*... YEP- it appears at some point a lumberjack entered the room and he was busy at work sawing the trees down.   I laid there and took it for a while with great patience- as the minutes ticked away.. I began to sigh loudly.  No response.  I flipped harshly back and forth attempting to hide my ears in the second rate pillow.  No good.   I jerked the covers in hopes it would jar the perpetrator.  Nothing.  I hit the bed with my "little hobbit hands" as the husband LOVINGLY calls them, ahem on the bed.  No dice.  I knew my mind was going to a dangerous, dark place as I cocked back my leg and prepared to kick the plum stew out of him.  Something stopped me... call it a "feeling" but I sat up and then it hit me.
Could it be?  NO WAY-  HOW ON EARTH IS THAT POSSIBLE?   It was the blankty, blank 10 pound dog sucking all the oxygen out of the room.  That is the only explanation- you know, LACK of oxygen- because I was about to become  the judge and jury on the big guy and send down the punishment.  He was innocent.

Good news tho, I got over my guilt quickly enough.. HOW DARE HIM BE ABLE TO SLEEP THROUGH THIS NIGHTMARE!