Unmentionables

So over the past month or so I have been on a quest to find the ultimate "unmentionable".... I have found as 29 and holding approaches,.. I need a super suit. (Girls- you know this is a correct statement)   This perfect undergarment must not only lift and look natural... It must lift, look natural, not produce back fat, be smooth under t-shirts, create a perfect silhouette  (As much as I do enjoy Madonna- a few of her unmentionables would put your eyes out- it is a safety concern) keep cleavage intact and out of my throat,  be bounce free, comfort is of the upmost importance and NOT look like an old lady let me borrow hers. I would also like it to be economical, because if such a super suit existed.. the ones in the drawer would have to be thrown away. It is a lot to ask of a small undergarment.  But I have no shame in asking it- see a need- someone fill a need!  I am pretty sure no such thing exist.. but it should.  We can send a man to the moon, create medicine in a petri dish, wash dishes in an electrical cube, and track a package across the world with a few clips on a keyboard... why can't we create an unmentionable that works?  So I call on you Playtex, Bali, Victoria- heck I would even consider you Fredrick... create something that works.  Once you have a solution- prove it.. prove it with models that have real oobies and not the ones that defy gravity at the age of 90... It is the ultimate challenge-  One that 50% of the population would benefit from (a huh- it is that SERIOUS)....Game On!