Whoops!

I am not a great cook.  I admit it.   It is a shame because I watched my grandmother as a child growing up and unfortunately.. I didn't catch on to the southern measuring systems- a dash here, a smidge there, and a dollop is a gracious plenty.  I try and I try.  Pan after dirty pan - nothing spectacular.  My family has adapted, if you want to call it that.  They have activated the "ranch rescue" method.  I have a house full of DIPPERS- A big dipper and two little ones.  I feel as if it should bother me that they reach for the ranch before they even taste what has been set before them.  ( sigh)  I mean, I would NEVER serve them anything I wouldn't eat.  Unfortunately for them I am not a picky eater.  
So I make it a point to keep an ample supply of their condiment of choice on hand... I think it is better to eat a ranch covered spoon full of broccoli than not eating it at all... until  today, I forgot to check the stockpile.  Call it passive aggressive if you must, WE ARE OUT of ranch ( whoops).
Did I mention I am a kicking BAKER?  Oh yes- I can make peanut butter fudge and brownies that will make you sing hallelujah... it's true!
SO I say... in light of this new development... Let them eat cake!

It Happens Every Year About This Time...

So I am nothing if not predictable.  Every year about this time, I get the itch to start pulling out the Christmas pretties and make my home a "vision" of sugar plums for all to see.  I get that we have not celebrated Thanksgiving ( pause) and I feel bad about that.  I don't think Thanksgiving is any less a holiday than Christmas.. it's just a ceramic turkey and a pilgrim here or there are not ... appealing to my decorative eye.  I need GLITZ, SHINY... I need twinkly lights.  I need hundreds and hundreds of twinkly lights.  So I have a plan... tomorrow I am going to pop a turkey into the oven (mmmmmm- yum).  This will ensure my family still understands we have so many blessing to be thankful for and I am NOT overlooking the importance of  Thanksgiving... BUT while that sucker is cooking for like... HALF A DAY... I am going to start decking the halls.. FA LA LA LA LA people... Fa la la la la!
Now decorating takes a lot of time, energy and effort... so that said I see nothing wrong with pulling out ONE tree this weekend.  To get ahead of the curve, of course.  I always put up two.  A fancy, smancy one in my living room that is so beautiful it gives me heart palpitations... and a traditional one in my den.  The den tree consist of ornaments my children have made over the years and special occasions we have shared.  IT is a regular ol' string the pop corn kind of a tree.  Charming in its own right....
The living room one is my target in the morning.  I love that tree!  I will pull the blinds so the neighbors will not think I am a nut job... and wait for the big reveal the day after Thanksgiving...  No one will KNOW... no one... except you.  Shhhhh..... So do you RUSH the holidays in your home?  Doesn't a turkey sandwich sound yummy?  Tis the season my friends... Tis the season!

The Not-So-Happy Meal

OH- I am on my soap box. (This is your warning- so feel free to leave at this time) At what point does the government STOP telling people what to do or how to raise their children?   There has to be a point where this happens... so what is it? And when you can figure it out.. let's make sure California gets the memo...
Today's Topic- Taking the Toys out of Happy Meals until they are stuffed with carrots and radishes. YEP!
Have you seen this?  Some fruitcakes in California are working on banning "toys" from happy meals because the food inside the cute little "house" boxes is fattening. Well, DUH!  Did any of us not know this?  Do we need someone that doesn't have enough sense to move from a state that will end up in the ocean telling us this?  Do we?  Did you know the happy meal was introduced in 1979... YES, the concept has been around 31 years. Did you know 20 billion have been sold since that time?  mmmhmmmm....Do you have atleast ONE fond memory surrounding a happy meal?  I bet you do.  Did you collect any of the little trinkets?  I bet you did.  Remember the hamburglar?  Yea, he was cool.  That's right... you are hearing me right.  I say, long live the happy meal.  It is a dining treat for children of all ages... It is as American as Apple Pie ( pie- is that against the law too?)
 Now, McDonald's has tried to appease everyone by offering little packs of apple slices instead of fries.  You no longer have to order a soft drink with the meal... you can get low-fat milk.  Most of them have a nasty-a** playground for kids to play in that will assist in burning off the calories they take in.. As a parent, I like to have these choices... AS A PARENT.  Does that mean I am going to make my kids eat an apple with their nuggets?  NO, I am not.  It is my job to make sure the fruits and veggies are worked in.. but I am not going to take away their fries.  I wouldn't want anyone to take mine.  It is common sense that fast food, in most cases, is not the healthy choice.  That is why we do not eat it everyday.  Once a week, (sometimes less) works for my crew.  Moderation is the key... not total abandonment.  My kids look at it as a "special" meal... not one we serve up everyday.
So California, you can keep your tofu unhappy meals...and in the "name of health"...how about doing something about the image your state portrays via Hollywood to young girls... pretty sure NOT eating and anorexia is just as dangerous as obesity.   Stay cozy in that glass house and hug a tree.

89 Years Young!

So Tuesday was my grandmother's birthday.  She is now an amazing 89 years young. I have been shamed because I failed to call her on her actual birthday.  We celebrated on Saturday, but I should have called on the actual day... I was busy crying and sick with worry over the fact that Walker had upcoming surgery.  Is it an excuse?  Yes, it is.. and like I said, I feel terrible about it.  I had tunnel vision and I was selfish.   Now, I know she will never read this because she doesn't understand computers or the internet.. but I owe her a tribute because she is one of a kind.  Allow me to share a few details of our lives together:

My kids call her Ellen "Roof"... or her proper name Ellen Ruth, because when Mackenzie was a baby she got confused when I referred to her as "grandmother"...  She taught kindergarten for over 30 years at a church that resided next door to her house. She walked to work, rain or shine.   She touched so many young little lives. She has patience like no other or she did.. now she will put you in your place in a New York minute- but she has earned that right and it cracks me up a little bit to see her so feisty.   When her health allowed, she was at church every time the doors were opened.  Wednesday night dinners... you name it, she was there with her pot luck dish.  She use to cook the most amazing Sunday lunches for everyone... most of the time it was roast with rice, black eyed peas,and coconut cake for dessert ... Always stating it wasn't fit to eat... but there was never any food going begging at the end of the meal.  Modesty at its best.

 I can remember sitting on the kitchen counter when I was a little girl "helping" her cook.  I can also remember her letting a naughty word slip every now and again... and her covering her mouth in shame... and saying "I don't normally talk like that BUT...."   I wonder how many times you can get away with letting a blooper out and not be a normal use of your vocabulary..a bunch if you are my grandmother.  Ol' Ellen Ruth is the original prize patrol.  As a child, she spoiled me and my siblings with little goodies and tasty Little Debbies every single time she came to our house.  She was at our house A LOT!  We got a lot of prizes.  (smiling- remembering what a little delight that was as a child).  I have picked up on this trait, good, bad or indifferent... I am guilty of the spoiling when it comes to my children...

 I stayed at the grands most weekends... I wrapped myself up in the mothball smelling quilts (OH - I love that smell to this day) and piled up on the couch with my granddaddy flipping the remote from channel to channel ** as someone who lived through the depression- this was the most amazing invention and/or luxury since sliced bread** His remote got a workout. No commercial was safe or viewed.  Most nights we ended up watching Carol Burnett and/ or Lawrence Welk.   Grandmother would not sit still long enough to watch the entire shows.. she was busy piddlin in the kitchen and making down the beds for the upcoming nights slumber.  She is the original ADHD child.  Busy, Busy, Busy or looking for something to make herself busy.  Don't get me wrong, Ellen Ruth is no push over... the floor plan of their house was a circle.. den, kitchen, master bedroom, hallway, living room and back to the den..Why is this important?  Well, She would go outside to get a "hickory" on days that I was a bratty child - I would watch her through the window as she pulled a switch off the tree and strip the leaves off (cussing- but not normally talking like that - to herself) and march back into the house, a whippin' it in the air... I would run around the "circle" with her chasing me... ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND WE WOULD GO ... I have to laugh now... I can hear her yelling

 "Jimmy, I need you to say something to this child"  "JIMMY-  did you hear me?"... Granddaddy would silently and stealth like sneak downstairs to the basement to commence in his own act of piddlin'.  An act I witnessed often.- confrontation was unheard of most of the time, in front of the "children".  (This is also something Cade and I try to adhere to with the raising of our own.)  Bless her heart, grandmother is human like the rest of us.. and she has her limits.  Oh there are so many, many fond memories.  She is and was a catalyst in making sure, we had a great childhood.

So today, I introduce my grandmother to you. The original pillow owner.  A great love of my life, a blessing to everyone she meets. A true southern lady that doesn't mind getting hands dirty to take care of business.  When I grow up, I want to be just like her... and that is the best compliment I can offer..

  Happy 89 Years Young, Ellen Roof!  I love you...

The Husband

So today is the husband's birthday.  In dog years he is like 1736 years old or atleast some days he acts like it.  As I type this, he is still snuggled up, all warm and toasty in the bed.  I however, have been up.  We have to have one responsible adult in this house.. and I drew the short stick.  I have been up since 6:15 to make sure the big one gets ready for school without skipping steps i.e. brushing teeth or brushing the back of her hair even though she can't see it.. others can.  Important stuff like that.  I have had coffee, put on my fake face, fixed my weedeater haircut, fed the shrimpy baby,supervised the said shrimpy baby while he got dressed, fought the sock demon, packed his lunch, changed purses and unloaded the dishwasher.  The only thing left to do is brush our teeth and head for the door.  Yes, I am the responsible parental unit and that is my gift to the GOOBER.  You can feel free to sleep without me nagging about blown lightbulbs that were not suppose to blow since they are the GREEN, last forever, pay more upfront, dark when you first turn them on, lower energy bills, crappy lightbulbs.  I will not nag about the garbage that needs taken to the cans.  I will not nag that you drank my last, ice cold mountain dew.  I will not nag that you need a hair cut in the worst possible way... and I will not comment that it is taking on a toupee gone wrong look.   I will not nag that you think a serving of cookies is the entire package in one sitting.  I will not make ugly remarks about the mancave being the most disgusting place on earth. NOPE- today I will not nag you... but fear not, this change is temporary.
So Happy Birthday to my husband, the father of my children and the man I look forward to growing old with.
All My Love,
Iris

Leaping Lizards Batman!!!

I know it is just Thursday but it feels like someone snuck in an extra day or two this week.  I really don't have anything exciting to report.  It is chilly outside.. that is a new feature.  Mackenzie lost her TV privileges and Walker has started picking up his toys in the evening without being asked (shocked beyond words). Oh Yea... I caught a lizard.

Here is the lizard story:

A day or two ago, Walker and I headed to the Living Room at 3:00 to wait on the school bus.  Every single day, you can set your watch to our "play date".  This one is GUARANTEED to happen no matter what else is going on in our lives.  We play a combination of transformers and toy story.  Most of the time we play with them together.  They are our little toy family.  Optimus Prime is the daddy, Woody is the mom ( not sure how that happened but Walker makes the rules in this game), Bumble Bee is the teenage son, Buzz is the little boy, and soft Buzz (or bedtime Buzz, as I call him) is Mackenzie.  We act out dinner time, the big kids getting on the bus, pretend they are going to Publix, and I sit back in amusement as Walker asserts his authority repeating things he has been told time and time again to correct his toy children. Well, that is our NORMAL play date I just described.  Tuesday afternoon, for the first time since school has started... our play date was interrupted and NOT in a good way.

Stay with me if you will:

We were pulling out our toys and I happened to glance at the window.  I saw a lizard.  Now, at first I thought it was outside.... but after further investigation... I soon realized that sucker was actually in the house.  UH OH!  OK- I am a profession lizard catcher during the summer months, when we are outside.  When it doesn't matter if it gets away.  When I have a net and cage to put them in.  It is different.  It is a lot different.  When the lizard is outside there is no way it can make its way to our bed, in the middle of the night and start doing whatever lizards do when I am asleep.   ( Your catching on -  I am pleased that you are feeling my sense of urgency during this dilemma-Good to know I am not the only one that doesn't want a lizard popping by in the middle of the night... mmmhmmm) Back to the story-My mind was running in a million different directions, when Walker spotted the "Yizard"..  It was Christmas morning for the young tot.  Thinking to myself, I decided I needed a few tools before I jumped in to capture the monstrous beast.  I trotted to the kitchen and pulled out my fancy smancy dish gloves- perfect!  Ok, I needed a cage or atleast a bowl.  I rummaged through the drawers like a drug feign in search of her next high.  NO TOPS FIT THE FREAKIN' BOTTOMS!!!  Why does this happen?  Walker screams from the living room... "MOMMY, THE YIZARD IS MOVING!"... ok- I really needed a bowl.  I finally located a matching set and tore off to the other room to save my young or attempt to hand over the newly anticipated toy.  I stopped again before I made it into the other room, It needed air holes.  I headed back to the kitchen and popped a couple holes in my bowl... Perfection.   When I walked back into the living room, Walker was in a crouching tiger, hidden dragon position.  He had the "yizard" in his crosshairs.  I put my dish gloves on, I was ready for combat.  All of a sudden the house was LOUD... really loud... the noise was unbearable.  It sounded like a posse of 9 year old little girls in the midst of a spend the night party.  Then it hit me... the squealing was coming from me... all me.... (ahem -well, that's embarrassing).  I tried to compose myself... and concentrate on catching the varmint.  I moved a decorative suitcase, a footstool and WHAM!  BANG!  WHAM AGAIN!.... (thinking to myself- I GOT YOU NOW GIECO!)... I reached in, concentrating on the "tail" area and hoping it would not snap off... dramatic pause inserted here... I GOT HIM... I GOT HIM... EEEEEEE I GOT HIM!  Then I realized my bowl was not open... I had the wiggly lizard in one hand and a closed bowl in the other (note to self... your an idiot).   Ummm, "Walker I need your help- Can you open the bowl for mommy so you can keep the lizard?"  I gotta tell ya, the crocodile hunter would have been so proud.  Team Work Makes The Dream Work.

Good Night and Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite...

Pause... Really?

So me being me.... I thought I would post a few random items I have ran across during my Christmas Shopping on the Internet.  I know as you look at this, you can't help but be a little grateful that you are not related to me OR you could be gifted the gift you can't regift.    Enjoy, and if you can figure out the frog... I am all ears.

Vanity an issue?  This is COOL-  Pistol Packing Momma that can get her hair under control!

A Knitted Frog Dissection...WHY?

Are you mad at someone?  Recently divorced?  This will show em'

 

Do you have a gardener in your life?  Do they like Syfy?  Well, If you do... I have the perfect Idea for you.   Give them a "Big Foot Spotting.... In the radish garden?"  Really?

My Favorite... A Pizza Cutter For "Him".... This one is useful...
So what have you found to wrap under the tree?